Bob’s Burgers Season 7, Episode 3 Review – 99 Problems but a Witch Ain’t One. | yahoo201027’s Bob’s Burgers Review.

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Happy Halloween, everyone! Well…almost. Halloween isn’t till this coming Monday, but that doesn’t stop me from doing this Halloween themed episode review. And speaking of Halloween themed episodes, in this week’s episode of Bob’s Burgers, after getting her ideas of a perfect costume gets stolen by Tammy, Tina teams up with Mr. Ambrose to find an “alternative” way to win first place all while Bob goes all CSI: Halloween after noticing his Jack-o-Lanterns missing in sight. This is my spoilerific review of the Third Episode of the Seventh Season and the Fifth Halloween themed episode, titled “Teen-a-Witch.”


Talk about a spell bounding episode coming from the writers this episode. Because we’re talking magic in this week’s episode.

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…yeah, not that “magic,” as in like love or that type of crap. Although, there were some scenes that we have between Tina and Jimmy Jr but besides from that, not that kind of “magic,” I’m talking about magic, magic. Witchcraft. I’m talking Witchcraft.

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…yeah, every Evangelical Christians’ nightmare when that topic is brought up. So yeah, witchcraft is the name of the game in this week’s episode when Tina think up with a perfect idea to wear to win the costume contest when strolling with Louise and Gene to school. And you think that Tina is going to win this one, don’t you? Well, nope. Because when the three begin to walk across the street, Tammy, along with Jocelyn, overheard what Tina said and decides to take Tina’s idea and turned into her own. Which caused Tina to go into a panic frenzy, trying to across the street but got blocked by the crossing guard and had to wait till the crossing guard says it’s okay to cross. I mean, I know Tina is majorly worried about her ideas for winning the Halloween Costume Contest getting stolen by Tammy but…yeah, gotta let the crossing guard do her job, helping the students crossing the road safely. I mean, without them, there would be chaos. And it will end in tragedy. Unless you live in Ethiopia, where there’s no traffic signals at a busy intersection, then you’re…okay with it? I never been out of the country, sorry guys. Maybe that could possibly happen once the election is over with. What was I talking about?

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Oh yeah, Tina and the Costume Contest. Found out this isn’t her first rodeo when it comes to win the “Best Costume Award” because she done it three times and lost. She lost three times. Three in a row. I’m surprised she didn’t throw in the towel after her three tries. She dresses up as a Zombiefied Little Bo Peep in the first year, she lost to an astronaut. Dresses up as Captain Kangaroo in the second year, lost to Frankenstein. And the third year, dressing up as what look like a mix of Lady Gaga or David Bowie in a magician’s suit that look mildly opposite to Criss Angel. And what surprising about last year’s contest is not about Tina’s costume or Louise getting disqualified for dressing up and mocking Mr. Frond on stage, but because of what Frond when announcing the winner. Thought Tina won, because if she did, in which she didn’t, this would’ve been her second win or decided not to do it. Awarding Tina the win, but announced the wrong winner and handed the prize to the guy who dresses up as a robot. Seems familiar?

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Yeah…Frond just pulled a Steve Harvey. You know, back in the 2015 Miss Universe Pageant when Harvey called for Miss Colombia to be winner, but made a mistake and declared Miss Philippines the winner instead. Remember that? Not either Harvey or Miss Colombia’s proudest moments during that time. And either is Frond when announcing the wrong winner. Of course, Tina’s not a sore loser and she did try her best, accepting the loss, and move on. And if that doesn’t work, be like Donald Trump and say it’s rigged. I’m never gonna let the Trump jab go. There’s like two weeks left in this election season. Let me have my last moment here.

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Finally, after a few episodes with little to no lines from the last season, Mr. Ambrose finally got into the spotlight…as the supporting character, but that’s all we can take. It’s like Billy Eichner haven’t got a full on role in like ever, not since “Topsy” when we got Ambrose playing a supporting role or taking the center stage. Tina went to Ambrose to get a little something to help her win the contest in a new way now that Tammy stole her perfect idea to win, which leads to Ambrose giving Tina a “Book of Spells” book. And I mean, a literal spell book. So…yeah, talk about using the paranormal for your personal gain. Of course, Ambrose did give Tina a little warning on using that book because although being a witch is all fun and games, it can be super dangerous to use because using witchcraft for personal gain can really mess you up. It ruins friendships. It ruins family. It can ruin your everyday life. Tell that to the Town Village of Salem, Massachusetts in the early 1690s when the Witch Trials took place. But, that’s not going to stop Tina from doing what she’s doing to win the competition and beat Tammy.

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Of course, there has to be some tests to be run when Louise and Gene barged into Tina’s room when Tina is ready to use the book with the room being dark and the candles being lit. And I’m not gonna lie, almost reminded me of some people trying to summon Satan with candles, a dark atmosphere, and a summoning chant. Minus the pentagram painted or sprayed on the ground. Anyway, she did tested it to see if it works via Gene and Tina’s request. You want fish sticks for lunch tomorrow despite it was in the menu today?

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Done. Want Jimmy Jr to sit next to you in Lunch tomorrow despite keeping one half of his socks in your drawer, even though I’m surprise Jimmy Jr didn’t notice his sock is gone.

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Done and done. And hey, while we’re doing this, maybe we can have Mrs. Labonz doing jury duty and have a Substitute take over even though Louise did not brought that request up when Tina was testing the book.

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Done. The spell book work and Tina automatically became a witch.

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Okay, we’re NOT going to accuse anyone of using witchcraft. Even though all those things I just brought up was all Tina. I mean hell, the night after all those “spells” she did, when Linda notices something going on when smelling smoke coming from her room and turned the candles off, she put a spell on her and tell her to go back to bed. And waved her hand in front of her head like she’s freaking Obi-Wan Kenobi, doing a Jedi mind trick on Linda. Thinking to herself, “You didn’t see anything. Go back to sleep.” And thus, because of this, because of all the things that she has caused after practicing to see how the book work, Tina had accepted a new personality…and a new look. No, seriously…

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A new look. Wearing all black to surprise the students at school. Talk about an October Surprise. Ballgame’s on you, Julian Assange. Because Tina just beat you to a punch…please don’t hack me, by the way. Or release my e-mails. Seriously, never letting that go, man. Two weeks, man! Two fucking weeks! Anyway, Tina accepts a new personality and new clothing, rocking that black shirt. Not gonna lie, but I really like this Tina. Someone tell “Dina” to fuck off, because I’m taking this Tina all the way. When she walks into the school and strolling into the hallway, she told each student along their way about the costumes they’ll be wearing for the upcoming contest and even putting some rude comments from Darryl planning to dress as E.T. to Peter Pescadero planning to dress up as the Mona Lisa. And of course, for the Tina/Jimmy Jr shippers, yeah, I am obligated to bring this up, is when Tina told Jimmy Jr to walk her to class and Jimmy Jr answered, “Okay,” as she grab Jimmy Jr’s arm. Is it me or the Tina we all know to love has magically disappeared out of the blue, out from the light side and joined the dark side, gone with the black clothing. It’s like she has now grew a huge ego ever since she got that book. Becoming a “demigod” and acting like she’s ruling the school with an iron fist or something like that. And something tells me that might continue all the way to the day of the contest.

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Of course, the person is totally not happy with the ordeal is Ambrose when Tina tells him to get another edition to the book. I mean, he did warn Tina to NOT to use for personal gain. And look what happened, ignored the warning, use a few spells, thus ending up here, acting like a badass who is irresponsibly using magic just to get in her way. Or to keep it short and simple, Tina is playing with fire when using that book in a worst possible way. And…not gonna lie, but I do kind of agree with Ambrose on this one, Tina. I mean, you are my favorite character in the series, but you’re playing a dangerous game here and you’re going to end up getting hurt once you realized that things aren’t going in your direction. But of course, Tina decides to ignore the warning and ready to check the spells online. Yeah…I don’t think Witch Spell Wiki is going to help out here, same for How To videos on YouTube.

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Of course, the role of playing “demigod” has now begin to bite her in the ass when Tina and the Crossing Guard had a little argument while standing in the middle of the street and that’s where the whole “playing with fire” consequence comes into play when the Crossing Guard decides to take Tina’s yellow barrette and puts a curse on her.

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Yes…an actual curse on Tina. We got ANOTHER witch in the making. You’re lucky isn’t the 1690s because the people will know and they will either hang you in the gallows or burn you at a stake. Was planning to do a “History Lesson 101” skit on the Witch Hunt, but because there’s no Crucible reference, that will NOT be brought up. So I’m guessing I’m saving that on a rainy day then. Anyway, because of having an argument with the Crossing Guard, Tina got cursed for twenty-four hours, not to mention, might meet her fate. And just days before the contest. That could really hurt her chances to win the contest and beating Tammy. Well…I know I want to be sorry for you, but…you draw this to yourself when using that spell book. All of this because you want beat Tammy when she stole your idea. So…in the words of famous Record Producer D.J. Kahled…

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Don’t say I warned you…oh wait, I did and so did Ambrose. And Ambrose knew this would happen because when Tina told him that she got cursed by the Crossing Guard, Ambrose knew who the Crossing Guard really is, an actual witch. “No, I thought it was someone who hates her job and want a better life to get far away from every kid in a 5-10 mile radius.” Said me sarcastically. But yeah, Tina is now stuck in the curse because of taunting the Crossing Guard which leads to later that night after finishing dinner, going to sleep when noticing a slight breeze coming into her room and closes her window, but heard a laugh of a witch, But it probably the breeze talking. And NO, it’s not a ghost. Wrong episode. Of course, after closing the window, she turned around and saw the Crossing Guard. Thought it was actually real, but you know this is a nightmare scenario and it is because this is a nightmare and something tells me the worst has it to come into play leading up to the contest. And speaking of the contest, just like in my “Runaway Club” review, I have to judge the contestants and their costumes, even if Tina is in panic mode when being cursed. So let’s get into the contest and we begin with Rudy.

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We have Rudy on stage, dressing up as a mime. And NOT a clown. Seriously, that clown thing, scaring the ever living shit out of everyone. This has got to stop. With Halloween now coming in about 6-7 days, something tells me the “trolls” who dresses up in clown costumes might have the last laugh. Anyway, Rudy dresses up as a mime and acts like a mime and I gotta say, his performance is not bad. But of course, we don’t have a clear winner as of yet and head to the next contestant, Peter Pescadero.

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We have have Peter dressing up as the Mona Lisa, just like what Tina just gave away earlier this week. Well, not like the actual Mona Lisa with the dress and hair and anything. More like an exact replica of the famous Da Vinci painting, only with her head cut open and had to put Peter’s head into the hole. Which, I’m surprised that he’s holding to the painting without either hurting his back or dropping the painting to the ground once his arms getting tired. But holy shit, that looks impressive. Then comes to Tina.

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Dressing up as a Sand-witch. Get it? Sand-witch? Like…sandwich because you have witch with sandwich buns in between. If you’re a baby boomer, you probably get this joke. Anyway, you thought Tina would ready to go to do the contest, trying to woo the audience but with the curse now hanging on to her due from misusing her “powers” and badmouthing the Crossing Guard, she thinks to herself thinking that today would be the day the curse strikes on her, fearing that there would be a stage mishap and either breaking parts of her body or end in sudden death. And that’s where both Louise and Gene had to come in and ready to catch Tina once mishap takes place. Even though, it didn’t. Of course, while walking carefully so the stage won’t “break,” she said that all those things that caused, the fish sticks, Ms. Labonz getting jury duty, Jimmy Jr sitting next to Tina, is just luck. Nothing else. All a coincidence. And because of that, she has bring up that she had help from Ambrose, who of course, trying to say that he nothing to do with it. And then of course, ready to amend her ways and ready to apologize to the Crossing Guard for badmouthing her. Of course, while the whole apology is taking place with Tina taking the stage, the contest has to continue on with Tammy trying to woo the audience but Tina took the spotlight and…

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Both her and Tammy fell off the stage. We here over at yahoo201027 Industries, unaccompanied with Bento Box Entertainment and 20th Century Fox, tell you that no one was harmed in the making of this episode. Even though Tina is okay because Tammy broke her fall and for Tammy…a possible broken arm or leg. Hey, I’m obligated to say that no one got hurt. Got it! Okay. So moments after the contest and that little mishap, Rudy became the winner of this year’s contest, no surprise there because like I said earlier, his performance is not that bad. So…congrats Rudy. Congratulations on winning the 2016 Halloween Costume Contest.

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Of course, we’re not finishing the A-plot of the episode until we get the apology from Tina to that Crossing Guard. And we got the apology. Thank god those finally settle their differences, not to mention the Crossing Guard giving back her barrette and uplifting the curse from Tina. And I hope that crossing guard is a one-episode character, never to be brought back because even though she was doing her job, she can be a bitch to Tina in the duration of the episode from trying to stop Tammy from stealing her idea to badmouthing her in the middle of the street when acting like she’s a freaking “demigod.” But we’ll never know. She might come back. She might not. And the A-plot of the episode feels like we combined two Season 4 episodes with a flavor of Halloween into the mix. When it comes Tina’s alternative to winning a contest, you think of the episode, “Presto Tina-o” and when it comes to predicting the future, you think of the episode, “I Get Psychic Out of You.” Even Season 5’s “Tina and the Real Ghost” also draws a throwback when it comes to the supernatural, only without ghosts, it’s a power of the witch, using spells, all of that of that shit.

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Of course, the B-plot also drew a throwback when it comes to Bob and his mystery of solving who stole his Jack-o-Lanterns. Giving me that “Tina Tailor Soldier Spy” vibe. So yeah, the day after the Bob made his Jack-o-Lantern and put it outside, Bob notices that his most perfect artwork was stolen. Yep, in a blink of an eye. Without warning. That’s like you put your purse on the seat while either eating the food you order or talk to a friend and you didn’t notice that your purse has been stolen. It’s sort of like that, only in pumpkin form.

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Also, really love that little quote on what Teddy on what Bob would’ve reacted when noticing that his pumpkin has stolen, thinking that Bob went all melodramatic on the whole pumpkin crusading. It’s like you watch a movie or a TV show and that whenever dramatically sad or surprising happened, the character ends up say “No” in a dramatic way to capture the audience’s attention. Well…Bob is not like that…but he did say “Oh My God” in that type of way when back in Season 1’s “Art Crawl” when the restaurant was covered in art paintings of every animal anuses.

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Anyway, Bob already knew who the culprit is after noticing his second Jack-o-Lantern was stolen without him looking. And he thinks it’s Jimmy Pesto who is doing the crusading. Um…really? Jimmy Pesto? I mean, I know the whole rivalry is going on here, but I don’t think Pesto would go that far…or downhill to steal a pumpkin. But Bob still accuses him for stealing and lay out the third one to see is he really is the culprit. Well…found out it’s NOT Jimmy Pesto who stole the Jack-o-Lantern like multiple times, but it was…

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Freaking Fischoeder who stole the Jack-o-Lanterns without warning and stole it while driving his cart around town. Carrying more Jack-o-Lanterns in the back. Now of course, Fischoeder do have plans with the Jack-o-Lanterns he is carrying, including Bob’s and it’s more a fun way to do with Halloween now coming up. And what plans am I referring to you may ask?

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A pumpkin patch. Only with Jack-o-Lanterns and and instead of a patch, it’s a light show. And I gotta say, that looks fucking amazing for a guy who stole the Jack-o-Lanterns out of the blue…I…uh…holy shit, that looks amazing. Cancel my Halloween plans, guys! Get me a plane or bus ticket and get me to that general area. I mean…look at this, you can’t beat that. You can’t fucking beat that. Ballgame’s on you, whoever planning to open that type of light show. But…already got a clear winner and it’s this fucking patch. That’s my opinion. And fuck it, you know I’m right about this.


Reaction/Thoughts:

So what do I think about this week’s episode of Bob’s Burgers? I think it’s a good episode. In the list of which episode falls in the Bob’s Burgers Halloween Episode Rank, this episode would fall in either Second or Third Place, tying with either “Hauntening” or “Fort Night.” Of course “Full Bars” remains First and “Tina and the Real Ghost” now in either Fourth or Fifth Place. The reason why I would say that is because of, even though it’s a Tina-centric episode, it did cast a spell to catch the viewer’s attention. Not to mention, Bob’s hunt to find the culprit on who stole the Jack-o-Lanterns. I say my favorite part of the episode is when Tina walked into the school, wearing black for the first time, acting like a badass after learning and casting all those spells because even thought she probably playing with fire for the duration of the episode and of course, ends up getting cursed, the girl walks and talks like she ruled the school just because of learning and casting a few spells, that ends up being pure luck. I don’t think there’s some downside in this…well, that part when Bob thought Jimmy Pesto was the culprit of the whole Jack-o-Lantern crusading, mostly because of the rivalry. Even thought I don’t think Pesto had something to do with the stealing, thus ending up with Fischoeder who stole the Jack-o-Lanterns, who only sets up that amazing light show. That crossing guard was good, even though she was acting like a bitch towards Tina from preventing her from get her idea stolen by Tammy to getting barrette stolen and getting a curse on her head till the moments after the contest where they set aside their differences. Of course, something she may or may not come back after this episode for future episodes wise. Of course, finally got Ambrose playing character support after last season with little to no lines. There…you happy, Ambrose fans. Can you please leave them alone?! But yeah, really enjoyed Ambrose’s company, playing the supporting role since “Topsy” and of course, playing innocent when Tina brought up that she had his help for trying to win the contest. Then comes the ending of the episode, that pumpkin patch/Jack-o-Lantern light show, like I said, looks amazing coming from Fischoeder, who stole Bob’s pumpkins like three times. Seriously, buy me that plane or bus ticket to that patch, because it looks awesome. And it’s to die for…minus the actual dying of those pumpkins. Pumpkin Lives Matter, guys. So yeah, all and all, I think this episode is a spell bounding one with laughs, suspense, drama, and any other things in the mix. So I give “Teen-a-Witch”…

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…a 9.5 out of 10. Like I said it was a spell bounding episode, and well…both plots of the episode did not disappoint, it was the second or third best Halloween themed episode for the series and probably one of the best Tina-centric episodes…and not because I’m biased in favor for Tina. I just stating the obvious, that’s all. But something tells me Tina won’t be a fan in what I’m about to say for the upcoming episode when an impossible investigation goes underway revolving around the meat used in the burgers, and NO, it’s NOT a sequel to “Human Flesh,” but…another animal in mind? A horse, maybe? In the Fourth Episode of the Seventh Season, “They Serve Horses, Don’t They?” Premieres November 6th. And of course, before I head off, just a heads up that I’ll be covering the Election on the night of November 8th. So…get your asses ready on what might be America’s last election. Stack up on everything when the morning of November 9th rolls in. So until then, tell me what you think about this episode and your favorite moments in the comments below. And if you don’t, I will put a curse on you. Yeah…that’s right, there’s a possibility that I might be a wizard…and I just realized that I’m Catholic and if they found out, they’ll burn me to the stake. So…that’s it for the review, have a safe and Happy Halloween and I’ll see you guys in two weeks!


*** Disclaimer: Bob’s Burgers belongs to Loren Bouchard and Jim Dauterive, 20th Century FOX, Bento Box Entertainment, Wilo Productions, and Buck & Millie Productions. Please Support the Official Release! ***

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